Pressure............

Actually i do not know how to start what i feel lately, this is really strange on my part or probably unusual, this few days in my life that i do not like what happens to my life. I feel like i am not being myself, or this is the worst part of my life. I feel i change and this is the thing that i don't like. I feel ashame of myself as if i am not a good christian that i should not worry about life because it was written on the Bible Matthew 6:31, i hope my memory is correct with the verse that even the birds they do not worry because GOD has put everything for them. This should be a reflection in my life. I admit i feel like i am useless in everything i do. I have a part time job being a financial advisor believe when its good to hear having that kind of job but i thought its easy and yes i have clients to be schedule but its not the clients problem its my problem within myself. I am the only one who cancel sometimes meeting because when i wake up in the morning i just cant understand what i feel of myself and dont want to go to work, duh this is what they call " laziness". Its hard to admit it, there are other works i am suppose to do being medical researcher which i have lots of pending files to do. Plus imagine i need to learn many things at home because people expects a lot from me and keep bugging me to learn it, we have this expensive SONY Vegas Video Editing manual and DVD plus magazine on how to use it, its actually compplete packing so that i will learn video editing. And there are other things i need to learn Adobe Photoshop CS i dont know what version all i know is that its the newest version for photo editing and a lot of DVD and magazine subscription was sent to us in order for me to learn. And also there are lots of medical books that came from Australia from my employer to read this expensive thick books of doctors and its like i need to read this book but its me that choose to be lazy to read sometimes when i open it and when i have all this medical terms that its complicated. And also Mom keeps telling me to learn how to sew clothes as we buy sewing machine which was sponsored by our relatives also in Australia which sort of online buying which is one of the best sewing machine as what they told me so they are trying to imply that its expensive so you better learn so that it wont be put into nothing. They also buy Greek book in order for me to learn Greek words, so that in order to learn about the Bible, the best way is to learn the original text of it. Although i read the Bible ever since i was a child at the age of five and also i have to memorize memory verse before at least ten memory verse and i am afraid to be spank by our Sunday school teacher if i don't memorize all ten verses. And also i have to read the archaelogy book as they said in order to learn about the past though i already read history every country when its my political science subjects. I have to use the calligraphy pen though i will give it to Brian ( Nate's brother) but i have two calligraphy pen so am force to use the other pen in order to learn calligraphy. I also have to learn COREL and AUTO CAD, it feels like pressured to learn this as we have this programs at the computer so i have no escape to learn it because if i do not learn it then i am not a good example to my siblings and perhaps they won't be interested on the things i need to do. I was assigned to learn this things so that i can share them to my sisters though they can learn on their own but sometimes my parents observe that if they don't see me learning new things they won't be curious and eager to learn. And there are a lot of books to read and i know time is not enough, i hope i have time to learn all of it though sometimes i waste my time just staring out of nowhere because of thinking how to do all of it.