Nathan Sleepyhead!

Watching Nathan sleeping today, he watched me sleeping the other day so now its my turn hehe. We usually do this watch each other sleeping though we are best friend now, there are things that we still continue doing until now like one of our hobby is to watch each other sleeping on cam as we are far from each other. So usually I take a snap shots of him as he also take shots of me using his phone so its fair:P

God please guide me!

This past few days or weeks, I do not really know what is my goal in life. I am kinda depressed of everything that happen in my life. Lord please guide and help me. I did a lot of stupid decisions and mistakes in my life. I hope i can make things right. I hope I can also move on to everything so that i can't hurt anyone. Please help me. I badly needed you. I feel so alone and i needed you Lord to help me and pick me up now when this is my worst moment in my life.

The Art of Letting Go

One of the reasons why people get so sentimental
It is because, memories are the only things that don't change..
When everything else does..
There are things in life that you cant hold on forever,
no matter how much you fight for it.
Sometimes destiny isn't always good, it becomes playful

When you met someone you learned to love, you thought
that it was destiny who made your paths cross.
But what if making your paths cross is just a part
of the game that the playful destiny create?


Making you realize in the end that the preson you thought
that was destined for you wasn't really meant to stay...
But only destined to make you feel love and leave
you when you've already fallen.

It's not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love.
Some might think it's just an excuse...some might not actually believe...
Some will blame you, some might even be mad at you

What they don't see is the fact that...
it hurts you even more to hurt someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt..
especially when you cant actually state the reason
why you have to leave....

You can never own something that was never yours..
So lets stop gripping on things we expect to last forever..

Nothing lasts forever
Forever is a lie
everything is transitory.

So while you have something in your hand,
put in mind that its just borrowed...

So that someday when its gone, it wont take you eternity just to let it go...
When your feelings get strong for someone, its always wise to stop for a while
and give your heart...a time to breathe..

A time to use your mind to weigh the situation based on reason not on emotion
Because the saddest thing that can happen is when one fall in love while
the other wants nothing more than friendship....

Love can sometimes be magic...
But magic can sometimes be an illusion

There are times when I wish that I was limites to certain emotions
So that I'll never have to experience pain, never feel betrayed or disappointed, and never get my fragile heart broken

But the same thing means that I'll never know how it feels to love
and be loved in return ...
The thought o it kind of scares me..
To have a heart that's whole but numb or a heart that's broken but real..

Someday we'll all be looking back to those days we learned to love, get hurt, cry and fight..
Maybe when that time comes, we'll be laughing at our old dumb selves...
Realizing how stupid we were to stand up for thins we knew weren't really meant for us
But I guess learning takes times, and mistakes make one's journey fun..

Life is what we make it
Love makes the world go round.
So let's live, love, and take whatever pain it brings....
though it's hard to wait around for something that I know will never happen...
It's harder to stop when I know it's everything I've always wanted..

But you know what??
I'm glad
I'm glad it happened..
We're good friends...
And i'm thankful for that....
Take care always my dear friend..
I'm just here..

“FREEING THE HEART, MIND AND THE SOUL”

from the past:

• heart-broken

life never stops when your heart gets broken. life is too wonderful, for you to just stop on your tracks. – don't be bitter, keep moving! but, don't rush yourself into finding new love again; just to let that someone take you away from the pains that you are feeling. (heal yourself first-completely!) for, no matter what you do, there would always be a mark in your heart. a "scar" that will always remind you of all that you've been through! but don't feel bad. because, it only means that: "once then, you've had something beautiful and special with you, but for some reasons, it's been taken away from you…"

• being hurt

why do we get hurt? the answer is simple. it is because we love. then, why do we still love, if in the end, we'll just get hurt? my answer is this: in love there are risks you have to take, and getting hurt is one of them. me, I love because i'm not scared of getting hurt. it is not my concern. but, giving love! after all, it is the very essence of loving. right? to "give" love rather than, to "take" love. some people I know, when they get into a relationship, it's sad that they are preparing themselves already to get hurt, when they should first be preparing their hearts on loving that person. me, I am preparing myself to give love! more than getting hurt…yes, I still get hurt in the end – but it's my choice! at least, I got hurt only because, I knew that, I had loved. as it goes: " when you love, you have just given them he power to hurt you." …true.

• hurting

leaving someone you love, doesn't have to be so hurting! for, pains have been inflicted, and the heart had suffered sorrows and grief. so, why drive deeper stake in the heart? …to see the wound open for deeper cuts, then bleed to death? "if you'll have to kill me a hundred times, i'll live again a thousand more!" *people often hate those who make them feel their own inferiorities! *

• letting go and moving on

letting go and moving on doesn't really have to mean, leaving everything behind you. because, you take with you,*lessons* you've learned from the past experience, that would help you become better the next time. You also, take with you, *memories* you'll cherish forever in your heart – good or bad. because, it is something that had grown and become part of who you are. And it will never depart from you… "love brings great beauty to life, also great sadness that sometimes, you can't be sure if it is a fair exchange!

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY BABY NATE!

It is our first year anniversary with my Baby Nate. Yeah I thank God despite for all the trials that we had gone through and long distance, it really proves that love conquers all. It is very hard to have a long distance relationship, i try my best to understand him and our schedule to talk and email him just to have communication with him since it is very important and in order to avoid misunderstandings, jealousy and falling out of love. I thank GOD that we are together until now. I know he loves me but I know too that its not enough, i thought its enough from the start but I learn that communication, trust, understanding, honesty and for giving time to each other is okay....

I have lots to say but i just dont know what and where to begin.

THANK YOU LORD:-)

I thank GOD for loving me so much and my family but more or less I want to thank him because me and Baby Nate we're okay now. I think this is like our first misunderstanding which makes me shock and depress because I can't believe it she misinterpret what I said. I just want to give him time. But at least we are okay now, and we talk about it and he apologize and I love him so much because he just don't want to lose me that is why he act that way. He afraid that he might lose me and cant have me for the rest of his life. Only GOD knows but I know he loves me so much so I guess I don't need anyone except him besides he makes me happy and complete and I think he is the one that GOD gives to me. I love him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TITA CINDY, TITO JOSEPH AND REESHONA

Tita Cindy, I hope that GOD will bless you and meet all your needs and also help you from the things that you are struggling lately. Good health, protection, guidance, wisdom, and hope all your wish will come true, i wish you all the best though this is the most common word to say but it is from the bottom of my heart that I say this to you. Take care and GOD bless you! I hope that no matter what happen between me and your son, i hope we can still be friends. Thank you so much for being nice to me.

Tito Joseph, I love you as my best friend, I love you as my dear Uncle, I love you for being here with me and my family, I wish you all the best that life can offer. I wish you can find your future wife, the right one for you that wont hurt you and will love you for who you are and not just by your name and wont use you for other reason. I hope that we can reach our future goals and we can buy beach land and have some business soon.

Reeshona, Hope someday you will become a very good and intelligent woman and i hope that someday you can become a very good professor in Math like your Mommy or maybe a great engineer like your Daddy. I am sure you will become the class valedictorian straight to college like Aunt/Tita Daisy which is one of my dreams until today but even i didnt make it, i hope you will become like her as thats what we want from you. I love you though you wont smile that much but i hope you learn to smile often, but maybe you change as you are still very young.

MISUNDERSTANDING

I am so confuse and sad...me and Nate have some misunderstanding huh...that sucks and hurt huh...he misunderstand me...sucks.......................I hate it this is the first time that he said me not nice thing...he don't appreciate what I said because he misunderstand it...............................Its really hard.

state of confusion

Confuse with what I feel about every aspect in my life..
Confuse with my responsibility as eldest sister
I have to set to be a good example to my siblings..
I have to be a role model...but I am not a machine and not perfect...


Confuse with my responsibility as gf
Its hard to know what I can give and to let someone you love to know what you really feel..........
If this is for real or not...
Afraid of the future.... afraid of lies, pains and hurts..................


Confuse with my responsibility as a good daughter....
When I cant seem make my parents happy and cant meet their expectations..
I'm depress when I cant seem to be the best daughter as they can have.............

Confuse with my career..
Being a political adviser, politician, political analyst?
Being a call center agent?
Being a medical researcher?
Being a social worker?
All I know is that I am good in communication and analytical skills................


Confuse of society...............
Disgusting corrupt country
Stupid people
Rubbish environment...
Stupidity of church and government....hypocrisy, pride, judgment................

Churches...Priests..........Pastors............
It is like this................
People killing people dying
Children hurting and ?you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?

HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY/PAPA AND TITO DARRELL!

PAPA,

I can describe you in one word "unselfish/selfless father", despite of what happen to your family when you are still young, you didn't like that your family have the same situation with what you experience. I am thankful that you are very responsible father, as you work hard just to give us brighter future to the extent that you forget your own health. You know that health is wealth it is worth than working very hard for us. But i thank you for the thought that you are willing to sacrifice lots of things just to make your family happy and to meet their needs. Thank you for being a loving father as you always provide first our needs before you will buy for your own. You always think us before you think of yourself. I love you for being caring dad to all of us. You treat as like we are precious more than diamonds or any treasure in this world. You always make sure we are okay at the end of the day. You make time to talk to us even if you are very tired from work. You always look at the fridge if we still have foods or not. You always try to bring any foods everyday just to make us happy from work. You tend to have debt because of us. You are unselfish father. The most loving father I ever had. I do always love and respect you. I salute you and I am very proud of you as my father. I love you Papa, I hope you realize it that everything I do is to make you proud of me too.

COLLECTIONS

This are some of my collection volumes of VCD of National Geographic Wildlife Wonders Collection like:

Giant Panda's: The Last Refuge
Tigers Of the Snow
Walking with Lions
Living with Gorillas
Wild Babies
Kangaroo Adventures
A Turtles Journey
Seal Secrets
Cheetah: The Deadly Race
Zebras: Patterns In the Grass

Haha, I admit I haven't seen some of the volumes of it since I am quite busy so I must see some of it when I have time to do so. It is very interesting topic to watch.

Island Hopping

This is just one of the Island we visit :-), WE are having a great time watching many different islands as Philippines have 7,107 Islands so it is so fun visiting some of those Island and at the same time have time to snorkel at the middle of the Island but of course I am so afraid that I might see a shark since I saw a dolphin but so far not a shark then I just snorkel just beside the small boat that we use for island hopping. The white sand, corals, different fish that you can see under the water and also the scuba divers down into my feet.

Vacation Moments!

These are some of the pics of my vacation for almost three weeks that I have vacation with my two sisters namely Hannah and Micah Ezra our youngest that we go snorkeling at the middle of an island and you can see many corals and fishes. And also many scuba divers at your feet hehe...But its kinda scary to me as I have phobia of scuba diving too same with my youngest sister so we are not able to go scuba diving this summer. We are having a nice vacation with the well known and best hotel, resort and island of Cebu. The white sand of the beach and the romantic view of the resort.

We also enjoy fishing I will soon post the second part of the vacation when almost for three weeks we are at the middle of the Island for Island Hopping and snorkeling. It is nice to have a very special moment with your sisters and most especially if the one you love is with you and so beautiful and romantic places and how I wish Nate was there with me. Life is so beautiful because GOD bless me with a very loving family and bf. So i enjoy my vacation time.

How Sweet

Baby Nate send me an email today and I'm so touch about what he told me and I do really feel his love towards me, This is the exact word he told me and i copy and paste it here, isn't it so sweet to hear those words that he tells me.

"you know you are the reason that I keep going"

It feels like i am so happy knowing those words many times from him. I couldn't ask for more from GOD that he gave me the most loving bf that i have. I love him so much and i know that he loves me so much too. He makes my life complete though life is not perfect but life doesn't need to be perfect because it makes perfect when someone completes my life. Everything is nothing If I ain't got him. He knows that I love him and we know that we love each other so much.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY:-)

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY to all mothers, To my Mommy/Mama Cony, Tita Cindy, and myself ( joke! lol someday) , Being a mother for me is the greatest achievement a woman could ever have. It is a noble thing and its not an easy job, to take care of a child at the same time taking care of the husband. Motherhood is difficult and therefore son and daughters do not forget to say thank you to your parents especially MOMMY's because if there is no mothers then we are not able to see the gift of life and we will not experience how good to have a life and live on this planet that GOD beautifully made for us. Mommy is always there for the best of her children because most of the fathers were working but even mommy is working, she give up her career for her children. I thank you for always being here to me when i need you, you are like my best friend. You always support my decision and you always give me encouragement. I love you so much. I thank GOD for giving me both of you as my parents especially you treat me like a diamond or more than your life and willing to do everything for me.

I COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE

I am happy today in a sense that I am able to meet my bf/fiance family, having a good relationship with them is a great start for everything in the near future life with them. Tita Cindy is like my second mom in real though we are apart through distance but i know that I will visit her soon and its up to our Heavenly Father/Father GOD to permit this thing that will happen. I am thankful that I am able to know her. My Baby Nate is indeed a GOD's gift to me, I couldn't ask for more to GOD, He completes me and makes me happy. According to him he is truly a GOD's gift and its GOD's will that we love each other, isn't it so sweet to hear? It touches my heart to listen talking from him that its GOD's will that we are meant to be to love each other. I know we are not perfect lovers but so far we did not argue or have a conflict and even if may have conflict it wont matter and in fact I truly believe that it will makes our relationship stronger and we will become closer to each other. I never thought that love can feel like this. And his love is like a river, peaceful and deep.

I appreciate Tito Darrel that He cares for me and Nathan and for being supportive in our relationship. And for trying to type through email to send me message that he cares for me and Nate and also to my family together with Tita Cindy though I know the he do not know much about typing through keyboard of computer but he try it to let me know that he cares for me and Nate.

I love Ruth because she is like my youngest sister and she reminds me of my sisters and my childhood life. And the mere fact that she is so pretty and my Baby Nate love her so much.

I also thank DJ for being so nice to me though that is the first time we talk, it feels like we talk for a long time as we just talking anything. Thank you DJ for being a cool person.

Brian, I consider him as one of my friends though I also think of him as my younger brother, we talk for quite a long time and I am happy for some positive things happen to him. I am happy that he also recover from his past relationship and I am happy to see his new haircut, he looks clean and handsome. I am happy to know that he has a good heart and a lot of very good point of views in life. I can see that He is a good person and I always tells him that he is a very good person and talented person for me and I know that people notice it and I know he will become a very successful person because he has all the talents, wisdom, kind heart ( He may not be showy that he is but I know him for quite sometimes), handsome and God, family, Alex, friends, relatives and a lot of people loves you Brian so I am happy to see lots of good things happen to your life. I love you my dear brother.

And to Debsie and Courtney, i will love you too and hope to meet you someday as well as Bobby and Crissy/Christy ( correct me if I'm wrong).

To my Baby Nate, you are more precious than any diamond, pearl or gold and anythings in this world. I love you so much and you knew it. The things that happen to us from friendship and how we meet and things happen to us unbelievably it all happen for a reason in the right time and place. And i agree with you that its truly GOD's will that we love each other. It's hard to put into words how grateful I am to have you and although you told me many times that you love me more than I love you and YOU prove it into many ways and i never doubted you because you never give me action to destroy my trust upon you. And thank you so much for being so mature as I am also mature though i try to act as a Baby because I am just seeking your attention sometimes because I just miss you so much and yet you spoil me and treat me like a baby lol and wish that you can hug and kiss me right here with me but It doesn't matter as soon we will be together. I could not ask for more because you are all I want as well as my man I want to spend the rest of my life. I love you so much Baby and I always pray for our relationship as its the best thing to our relationship to put GOD as the center of our relationship. We may not be perfect person but we complete each other in our own ways.

Life is Like This and That .............

Sometimes I am wondering why life is like this and that...have you experience that you are alone in your room and think of all the things that is happening into your life? Well basically we won't feel like this if we are not alone and have time for ourselves. Meditation sometimes helps us think of things that happen surrounds us. Help us evaluate ourselves. Help us remember things that are right and wrong. There are lots of questions in our mind when we are at the four corner of our rooms. I admit i am so busy but when I am alone i am still disappointed with myself thinking that I have still lots of do but i was not able to do it because I run out of time or sometimes i pretend to ignore the time. It is sometimes my problem of time management. I can't follow the time I used to do in order to follow and accomplish things for the day so easy. But life is not that easy but without trials life will not be also be as challenge as a race if we don't go into the flow then we will fail since part of life is to know how to survive. I do believe of the survival to the fittest but we should survive in a good way, if we succeed in life through bad way then its nothing, useless unless you have the reason to do so but whatever reason you have, we do not have the right to carry on ourselves the obligation to get the life of co-living creatures as its only GOD have the right. We may not understand life sometimes but think of it if without those challenges, trials, problems or whatever terms they call it we are nothing, we wont be what we are right now without it, accept it as part of our life as its easier to do things if we think that trials are part of everyday life. Life is hard to understand but thats the way it was design for each and everyone of us. We may not know the purpose but in the end it makes us a better and stronger person if we survive the trials we face.

I miss everyone

I miss my family so much..............
I miss life being with my mom..........
I really miss my youngest sister.............
I miss Nate email, its been a long time since he dont email to me.......

I do not know if he still love me or not.......
I do not know too well dont know........
I miss everyone..........
I miss myself...........
Life is nothing without my family, Nathan and God...

My Baby Nate at Jerusalem

This is my Baby Nate, He told me that he is in Jerusalem and he take a pic of himself in order to let me see him that he is been there and he is in the holy city.

POse..Pose...POse

Am I vain?