ACCOMPLISHMENT

For me this is one of the big accomplishment in my life when i learn how to sew clothes today using the new sewing machine, i feel ashamed that i just learn today how to sew clothes hehe..at least its not too late to learn it. My only brother and me, use the new sewing machine and even my brother teach me how to use it. We use the vacant room and old table temporarily because we just open the new sewing machine and we still have to make a table or just look for table to place the sewing machine. I am so glad that i am able to make a dress too, or shall i say re-design the dress.

Pressure............

Actually i do not know how to start what i feel lately, this is really strange on my part or probably unusual, this few days in my life that i do not like what happens to my life. I feel like i am not being myself, or this is the worst part of my life. I feel i change and this is the thing that i don't like. I feel ashame of myself as if i am not a good christian that i should not worry about life because it was written on the Bible Matthew 6:31, i hope my memory is correct with the verse that even the birds they do not worry because GOD has put everything for them. This should be a reflection in my life. I admit i feel like i am useless in everything i do. I have a part time job being a financial advisor believe when its good to hear having that kind of job but i thought its easy and yes i have clients to be schedule but its not the clients problem its my problem within myself. I am the only one who cancel sometimes meeting because when i wake up in the morning i just cant understand what i feel of myself and dont want to go to work, duh this is what they call " laziness". Its hard to admit it, there are other works i am suppose to do being medical researcher which i have lots of pending files to do. Plus imagine i need to learn many things at home because people expects a lot from me and keep bugging me to learn it, we have this expensive SONY Vegas Video Editing manual and DVD plus magazine on how to use it, its actually compplete packing so that i will learn video editing. And there are other things i need to learn Adobe Photoshop CS i dont know what version all i know is that its the newest version for photo editing and a lot of DVD and magazine subscription was sent to us in order for me to learn. And also there are lots of medical books that came from Australia from my employer to read this expensive thick books of doctors and its like i need to read this book but its me that choose to be lazy to read sometimes when i open it and when i have all this medical terms that its complicated. And also Mom keeps telling me to learn how to sew clothes as we buy sewing machine which was sponsored by our relatives also in Australia which sort of online buying which is one of the best sewing machine as what they told me so they are trying to imply that its expensive so you better learn so that it wont be put into nothing. They also buy Greek book in order for me to learn Greek words, so that in order to learn about the Bible, the best way is to learn the original text of it. Although i read the Bible ever since i was a child at the age of five and also i have to memorize memory verse before at least ten memory verse and i am afraid to be spank by our Sunday school teacher if i don't memorize all ten verses. And also i have to read the archaelogy book as they said in order to learn about the past though i already read history every country when its my political science subjects. I have to use the calligraphy pen though i will give it to Brian ( Nate's brother) but i have two calligraphy pen so am force to use the other pen in order to learn calligraphy. I also have to learn COREL and AUTO CAD, it feels like pressured to learn this as we have this programs at the computer so i have no escape to learn it because if i do not learn it then i am not a good example to my siblings and perhaps they won't be interested on the things i need to do. I was assigned to learn this things so that i can share them to my sisters though they can learn on their own but sometimes my parents observe that if they don't see me learning new things they won't be curious and eager to learn. And there are a lot of books to read and i know time is not enough, i hope i have time to learn all of it though sometimes i waste my time just staring out of nowhere because of thinking how to do all of it.

7 months anniversary

Tomorrow is our seven months anniversary with Baby Nate, well words are not enough to express how much i love him. Well this feelings which is unexplainable lol, im just thankful to God that he came in my life. I already tell him what i feel for him through email. I just want to share that im glad that we've been together for seven months. I wish i can tell many things but im sleepy and tired hehe..i have to travel early in the morning again gosh...

Confuse

I admit that today i do not understand what i feel, lol i know i should be always happy, not only that it can make us feel better, feel peaceful and in a sense that it can help us in terms of our health aspect that being happy have a lot of advantages and i think people know about it already but why sometimes it will come to a point in our life that we feel sad. I am confuse, sad and depress ha funny to say and i have to admit that i do not want to feel sad, most people think that i am always happy but deep inside im hurt. I try to laugh but deep inside my heart is bleeding. Oh lately i do not know why i suddenly feel or think maybe my bf doesn't love me anymore or something change. I just do not know i know i should not feel this way, or maybe my intuition. I told him to tell me straightforward if he do not love me anymore or something change. It is just that lately or the last email i receive from him or maybe before the last email from him, i think something change. Or maybe i think negative for the last two days, grrrrrrrr...i shouldn't feel this way. And also i feel how hard it is to be far from the one you love. Anyway i pray to God that hope that he can resist temptations. I do not know what to say now. I am just so confuse in every aspect of my life.

I still love him and always miss him. Everyday i miss him and i need his loving hands to come and pick me up when im down. I need his hug and kisses. I just miss him so much.

MY BOOKS

These are some of my Books that i read but i have many books and magazines that i haven't include it here yet so i will post it next time, when i have time to do so. Well it helps me to become a better and confident person in my life. GOD thank you so much for this book because it helps me to have wisdom.

Happy 6th Monthsary Baby Nate

Me and my bf six monthsary today Jan. 4, 2009 since we've been together for six months but i think more or less we also become friends for six months before we became more than friends. I already express all i want to tell him through my mail for him today. When i remember the past, i can't believe that we become lovers since we are only friends and i do not know how it started though we tried to remember but all i could think is the moment when Nate wants to level up our relationship not as friends but more than friends. The exact word he said is this " why not give it a try" or pls kindly let's give ourselves as lovers not as friends lol. Well, I think its GOD's plan or purpose because we never expect that we will be together for six months. And i know we love each other. We are not perfect gf/bf for each other but we see each other as perfect match for each other. We compliment each other for example, when he told me i am so beautiful, lol, i also told him well you are the most handsome guy for me. We fill up the weaknesses of each other like for example, he don't know how to sing and dance well i'll teach him until he can sing and dance and he will also teach me shooting, playing airsoft. All we do for each other is accept each other strength and weaknesses although we are not a perfect person as we are all not perfect but we just complete each other weaknesses and encourage each other.

Oh and its his first time that he beat me, he is the first one to greet me happy monthsary but i am flattered and happy that he never forget our day. I thank GOD for everything and i pray for our relationship and that hope its his will that we will be together forever until we grow old as i love him so much as he loves me so much too...I have nothing to ask God because he already give to me, Nate to complete my life. God is so good in my life and i am so glad that he loves me so much that he give me the right man for me.

Uplifting The lives of Poor Kids

This kids are lack of love from their family, some of this kids are purely street kids, some areel abandon kids, some belong to a family that can't provide daily needs everyday. So i request to pray for them.