HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY BABY NATE!

It is our first year anniversary with my Baby Nate. Yeah I thank God despite for all the trials that we had gone through and long distance, it really proves that love conquers all. It is very hard to have a long distance relationship, i try my best to understand him and our schedule to talk and email him just to have communication with him since it is very important and in order to avoid misunderstandings, jealousy and falling out of love. I thank GOD that we are together until now. I know he loves me but I know too that its not enough, i thought its enough from the start but I learn that communication, trust, understanding, honesty and for giving time to each other is okay....

I have lots to say but i just dont know what and where to begin.

THANK YOU LORD:-)

I thank GOD for loving me so much and my family but more or less I want to thank him because me and Baby Nate we're okay now. I think this is like our first misunderstanding which makes me shock and depress because I can't believe it she misinterpret what I said. I just want to give him time. But at least we are okay now, and we talk about it and he apologize and I love him so much because he just don't want to lose me that is why he act that way. He afraid that he might lose me and cant have me for the rest of his life. Only GOD knows but I know he loves me so much so I guess I don't need anyone except him besides he makes me happy and complete and I think he is the one that GOD gives to me. I love him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TITA CINDY, TITO JOSEPH AND REESHONA

Tita Cindy, I hope that GOD will bless you and meet all your needs and also help you from the things that you are struggling lately. Good health, protection, guidance, wisdom, and hope all your wish will come true, i wish you all the best though this is the most common word to say but it is from the bottom of my heart that I say this to you. Take care and GOD bless you! I hope that no matter what happen between me and your son, i hope we can still be friends. Thank you so much for being nice to me.

Tito Joseph, I love you as my best friend, I love you as my dear Uncle, I love you for being here with me and my family, I wish you all the best that life can offer. I wish you can find your future wife, the right one for you that wont hurt you and will love you for who you are and not just by your name and wont use you for other reason. I hope that we can reach our future goals and we can buy beach land and have some business soon.

Reeshona, Hope someday you will become a very good and intelligent woman and i hope that someday you can become a very good professor in Math like your Mommy or maybe a great engineer like your Daddy. I am sure you will become the class valedictorian straight to college like Aunt/Tita Daisy which is one of my dreams until today but even i didnt make it, i hope you will become like her as thats what we want from you. I love you though you wont smile that much but i hope you learn to smile often, but maybe you change as you are still very young.

MISUNDERSTANDING

I am so confuse and sad...me and Nate have some misunderstanding huh...that sucks and hurt huh...he misunderstand me...sucks.......................I hate it this is the first time that he said me not nice thing...he don't appreciate what I said because he misunderstand it...............................Its really hard.

state of confusion

Confuse with what I feel about every aspect in my life..
Confuse with my responsibility as eldest sister
I have to set to be a good example to my siblings..
I have to be a role model...but I am not a machine and not perfect...


Confuse with my responsibility as gf
Its hard to know what I can give and to let someone you love to know what you really feel..........
If this is for real or not...
Afraid of the future.... afraid of lies, pains and hurts..................


Confuse with my responsibility as a good daughter....
When I cant seem make my parents happy and cant meet their expectations..
I'm depress when I cant seem to be the best daughter as they can have.............

Confuse with my career..
Being a political adviser, politician, political analyst?
Being a call center agent?
Being a medical researcher?
Being a social worker?
All I know is that I am good in communication and analytical skills................


Confuse of society...............
Disgusting corrupt country
Stupid people
Rubbish environment...
Stupidity of church and government....hypocrisy, pride, judgment................

Churches...Priests..........Pastors............
It is like this................
People killing people dying
Children hurting and ?you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?

HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY/PAPA AND TITO DARRELL!

PAPA,

I can describe you in one word "unselfish/selfless father", despite of what happen to your family when you are still young, you didn't like that your family have the same situation with what you experience. I am thankful that you are very responsible father, as you work hard just to give us brighter future to the extent that you forget your own health. You know that health is wealth it is worth than working very hard for us. But i thank you for the thought that you are willing to sacrifice lots of things just to make your family happy and to meet their needs. Thank you for being a loving father as you always provide first our needs before you will buy for your own. You always think us before you think of yourself. I love you for being caring dad to all of us. You treat as like we are precious more than diamonds or any treasure in this world. You always make sure we are okay at the end of the day. You make time to talk to us even if you are very tired from work. You always look at the fridge if we still have foods or not. You always try to bring any foods everyday just to make us happy from work. You tend to have debt because of us. You are unselfish father. The most loving father I ever had. I do always love and respect you. I salute you and I am very proud of you as my father. I love you Papa, I hope you realize it that everything I do is to make you proud of me too.

COLLECTIONS

This are some of my collection volumes of VCD of National Geographic Wildlife Wonders Collection like:

Giant Panda's: The Last Refuge
Tigers Of the Snow
Walking with Lions
Living with Gorillas
Wild Babies
Kangaroo Adventures
A Turtles Journey
Seal Secrets
Cheetah: The Deadly Race
Zebras: Patterns In the Grass

Haha, I admit I haven't seen some of the volumes of it since I am quite busy so I must see some of it when I have time to do so. It is very interesting topic to watch.

Island Hopping

This is just one of the Island we visit :-), WE are having a great time watching many different islands as Philippines have 7,107 Islands so it is so fun visiting some of those Island and at the same time have time to snorkel at the middle of the Island but of course I am so afraid that I might see a shark since I saw a dolphin but so far not a shark then I just snorkel just beside the small boat that we use for island hopping. The white sand, corals, different fish that you can see under the water and also the scuba divers down into my feet.

Vacation Moments!

These are some of the pics of my vacation for almost three weeks that I have vacation with my two sisters namely Hannah and Micah Ezra our youngest that we go snorkeling at the middle of an island and you can see many corals and fishes. And also many scuba divers at your feet hehe...But its kinda scary to me as I have phobia of scuba diving too same with my youngest sister so we are not able to go scuba diving this summer. We are having a nice vacation with the well known and best hotel, resort and island of Cebu. The white sand of the beach and the romantic view of the resort.

We also enjoy fishing I will soon post the second part of the vacation when almost for three weeks we are at the middle of the Island for Island Hopping and snorkeling. It is nice to have a very special moment with your sisters and most especially if the one you love is with you and so beautiful and romantic places and how I wish Nate was there with me. Life is so beautiful because GOD bless me with a very loving family and bf. So i enjoy my vacation time.

How Sweet

Baby Nate send me an email today and I'm so touch about what he told me and I do really feel his love towards me, This is the exact word he told me and i copy and paste it here, isn't it so sweet to hear those words that he tells me.

"you know you are the reason that I keep going"

It feels like i am so happy knowing those words many times from him. I couldn't ask for more from GOD that he gave me the most loving bf that i have. I love him so much and i know that he loves me so much too. He makes my life complete though life is not perfect but life doesn't need to be perfect because it makes perfect when someone completes my life. Everything is nothing If I ain't got him. He knows that I love him and we know that we love each other so much.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY:-)

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY to all mothers, To my Mommy/Mama Cony, Tita Cindy, and myself ( joke! lol someday) , Being a mother for me is the greatest achievement a woman could ever have. It is a noble thing and its not an easy job, to take care of a child at the same time taking care of the husband. Motherhood is difficult and therefore son and daughters do not forget to say thank you to your parents especially MOMMY's because if there is no mothers then we are not able to see the gift of life and we will not experience how good to have a life and live on this planet that GOD beautifully made for us. Mommy is always there for the best of her children because most of the fathers were working but even mommy is working, she give up her career for her children. I thank you for always being here to me when i need you, you are like my best friend. You always support my decision and you always give me encouragement. I love you so much. I thank GOD for giving me both of you as my parents especially you treat me like a diamond or more than your life and willing to do everything for me.

I COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE

I am happy today in a sense that I am able to meet my bf/fiance family, having a good relationship with them is a great start for everything in the near future life with them. Tita Cindy is like my second mom in real though we are apart through distance but i know that I will visit her soon and its up to our Heavenly Father/Father GOD to permit this thing that will happen. I am thankful that I am able to know her. My Baby Nate is indeed a GOD's gift to me, I couldn't ask for more to GOD, He completes me and makes me happy. According to him he is truly a GOD's gift and its GOD's will that we love each other, isn't it so sweet to hear? It touches my heart to listen talking from him that its GOD's will that we are meant to be to love each other. I know we are not perfect lovers but so far we did not argue or have a conflict and even if may have conflict it wont matter and in fact I truly believe that it will makes our relationship stronger and we will become closer to each other. I never thought that love can feel like this. And his love is like a river, peaceful and deep.

I appreciate Tito Darrel that He cares for me and Nathan and for being supportive in our relationship. And for trying to type through email to send me message that he cares for me and Nate and also to my family together with Tita Cindy though I know the he do not know much about typing through keyboard of computer but he try it to let me know that he cares for me and Nate.

I love Ruth because she is like my youngest sister and she reminds me of my sisters and my childhood life. And the mere fact that she is so pretty and my Baby Nate love her so much.

I also thank DJ for being so nice to me though that is the first time we talk, it feels like we talk for a long time as we just talking anything. Thank you DJ for being a cool person.

Brian, I consider him as one of my friends though I also think of him as my younger brother, we talk for quite a long time and I am happy for some positive things happen to him. I am happy that he also recover from his past relationship and I am happy to see his new haircut, he looks clean and handsome. I am happy to know that he has a good heart and a lot of very good point of views in life. I can see that He is a good person and I always tells him that he is a very good person and talented person for me and I know that people notice it and I know he will become a very successful person because he has all the talents, wisdom, kind heart ( He may not be showy that he is but I know him for quite sometimes), handsome and God, family, Alex, friends, relatives and a lot of people loves you Brian so I am happy to see lots of good things happen to your life. I love you my dear brother.

And to Debsie and Courtney, i will love you too and hope to meet you someday as well as Bobby and Crissy/Christy ( correct me if I'm wrong).

To my Baby Nate, you are more precious than any diamond, pearl or gold and anythings in this world. I love you so much and you knew it. The things that happen to us from friendship and how we meet and things happen to us unbelievably it all happen for a reason in the right time and place. And i agree with you that its truly GOD's will that we love each other. It's hard to put into words how grateful I am to have you and although you told me many times that you love me more than I love you and YOU prove it into many ways and i never doubted you because you never give me action to destroy my trust upon you. And thank you so much for being so mature as I am also mature though i try to act as a Baby because I am just seeking your attention sometimes because I just miss you so much and yet you spoil me and treat me like a baby lol and wish that you can hug and kiss me right here with me but It doesn't matter as soon we will be together. I could not ask for more because you are all I want as well as my man I want to spend the rest of my life. I love you so much Baby and I always pray for our relationship as its the best thing to our relationship to put GOD as the center of our relationship. We may not be perfect person but we complete each other in our own ways.

Life is Like This and That .............

Sometimes I am wondering why life is like this and that...have you experience that you are alone in your room and think of all the things that is happening into your life? Well basically we won't feel like this if we are not alone and have time for ourselves. Meditation sometimes helps us think of things that happen surrounds us. Help us evaluate ourselves. Help us remember things that are right and wrong. There are lots of questions in our mind when we are at the four corner of our rooms. I admit i am so busy but when I am alone i am still disappointed with myself thinking that I have still lots of do but i was not able to do it because I run out of time or sometimes i pretend to ignore the time. It is sometimes my problem of time management. I can't follow the time I used to do in order to follow and accomplish things for the day so easy. But life is not that easy but without trials life will not be also be as challenge as a race if we don't go into the flow then we will fail since part of life is to know how to survive. I do believe of the survival to the fittest but we should survive in a good way, if we succeed in life through bad way then its nothing, useless unless you have the reason to do so but whatever reason you have, we do not have the right to carry on ourselves the obligation to get the life of co-living creatures as its only GOD have the right. We may not understand life sometimes but think of it if without those challenges, trials, problems or whatever terms they call it we are nothing, we wont be what we are right now without it, accept it as part of our life as its easier to do things if we think that trials are part of everyday life. Life is hard to understand but thats the way it was design for each and everyone of us. We may not know the purpose but in the end it makes us a better and stronger person if we survive the trials we face.

I miss everyone

I miss my family so much..............
I miss life being with my mom..........
I really miss my youngest sister.............
I miss Nate email, its been a long time since he dont email to me.......

I do not know if he still love me or not.......
I do not know too well dont know........
I miss everyone..........
I miss myself...........
Life is nothing without my family, Nathan and God...

My Baby Nate at Jerusalem

This is my Baby Nate, He told me that he is in Jerusalem and he take a pic of himself in order to let me see him that he is been there and he is in the holy city.

POse..Pose...POse

Am I vain?

do i look like a model?

Hahahha..i pose like a model hahahaha...

ACCOMPLISHMENT

For me this is one of the big accomplishment in my life when i learn how to sew clothes today using the new sewing machine, i feel ashamed that i just learn today how to sew clothes hehe..at least its not too late to learn it. My only brother and me, use the new sewing machine and even my brother teach me how to use it. We use the vacant room and old table temporarily because we just open the new sewing machine and we still have to make a table or just look for table to place the sewing machine. I am so glad that i am able to make a dress too, or shall i say re-design the dress.

Pressure............

Actually i do not know how to start what i feel lately, this is really strange on my part or probably unusual, this few days in my life that i do not like what happens to my life. I feel like i am not being myself, or this is the worst part of my life. I feel i change and this is the thing that i don't like. I feel ashame of myself as if i am not a good christian that i should not worry about life because it was written on the Bible Matthew 6:31, i hope my memory is correct with the verse that even the birds they do not worry because GOD has put everything for them. This should be a reflection in my life. I admit i feel like i am useless in everything i do. I have a part time job being a financial advisor believe when its good to hear having that kind of job but i thought its easy and yes i have clients to be schedule but its not the clients problem its my problem within myself. I am the only one who cancel sometimes meeting because when i wake up in the morning i just cant understand what i feel of myself and dont want to go to work, duh this is what they call " laziness". Its hard to admit it, there are other works i am suppose to do being medical researcher which i have lots of pending files to do. Plus imagine i need to learn many things at home because people expects a lot from me and keep bugging me to learn it, we have this expensive SONY Vegas Video Editing manual and DVD plus magazine on how to use it, its actually compplete packing so that i will learn video editing. And there are other things i need to learn Adobe Photoshop CS i dont know what version all i know is that its the newest version for photo editing and a lot of DVD and magazine subscription was sent to us in order for me to learn. And also there are lots of medical books that came from Australia from my employer to read this expensive thick books of doctors and its like i need to read this book but its me that choose to be lazy to read sometimes when i open it and when i have all this medical terms that its complicated. And also Mom keeps telling me to learn how to sew clothes as we buy sewing machine which was sponsored by our relatives also in Australia which sort of online buying which is one of the best sewing machine as what they told me so they are trying to imply that its expensive so you better learn so that it wont be put into nothing. They also buy Greek book in order for me to learn Greek words, so that in order to learn about the Bible, the best way is to learn the original text of it. Although i read the Bible ever since i was a child at the age of five and also i have to memorize memory verse before at least ten memory verse and i am afraid to be spank by our Sunday school teacher if i don't memorize all ten verses. And also i have to read the archaelogy book as they said in order to learn about the past though i already read history every country when its my political science subjects. I have to use the calligraphy pen though i will give it to Brian ( Nate's brother) but i have two calligraphy pen so am force to use the other pen in order to learn calligraphy. I also have to learn COREL and AUTO CAD, it feels like pressured to learn this as we have this programs at the computer so i have no escape to learn it because if i do not learn it then i am not a good example to my siblings and perhaps they won't be interested on the things i need to do. I was assigned to learn this things so that i can share them to my sisters though they can learn on their own but sometimes my parents observe that if they don't see me learning new things they won't be curious and eager to learn. And there are a lot of books to read and i know time is not enough, i hope i have time to learn all of it though sometimes i waste my time just staring out of nowhere because of thinking how to do all of it.

7 months anniversary

Tomorrow is our seven months anniversary with Baby Nate, well words are not enough to express how much i love him. Well this feelings which is unexplainable lol, im just thankful to God that he came in my life. I already tell him what i feel for him through email. I just want to share that im glad that we've been together for seven months. I wish i can tell many things but im sleepy and tired hehe..i have to travel early in the morning again gosh...

Confuse

I admit that today i do not understand what i feel, lol i know i should be always happy, not only that it can make us feel better, feel peaceful and in a sense that it can help us in terms of our health aspect that being happy have a lot of advantages and i think people know about it already but why sometimes it will come to a point in our life that we feel sad. I am confuse, sad and depress ha funny to say and i have to admit that i do not want to feel sad, most people think that i am always happy but deep inside im hurt. I try to laugh but deep inside my heart is bleeding. Oh lately i do not know why i suddenly feel or think maybe my bf doesn't love me anymore or something change. I just do not know i know i should not feel this way, or maybe my intuition. I told him to tell me straightforward if he do not love me anymore or something change. It is just that lately or the last email i receive from him or maybe before the last email from him, i think something change. Or maybe i think negative for the last two days, grrrrrrrr...i shouldn't feel this way. And also i feel how hard it is to be far from the one you love. Anyway i pray to God that hope that he can resist temptations. I do not know what to say now. I am just so confuse in every aspect of my life.

I still love him and always miss him. Everyday i miss him and i need his loving hands to come and pick me up when im down. I need his hug and kisses. I just miss him so much.

MY BOOKS

These are some of my Books that i read but i have many books and magazines that i haven't include it here yet so i will post it next time, when i have time to do so. Well it helps me to become a better and confident person in my life. GOD thank you so much for this book because it helps me to have wisdom.

Happy 6th Monthsary Baby Nate

Me and my bf six monthsary today Jan. 4, 2009 since we've been together for six months but i think more or less we also become friends for six months before we became more than friends. I already express all i want to tell him through my mail for him today. When i remember the past, i can't believe that we become lovers since we are only friends and i do not know how it started though we tried to remember but all i could think is the moment when Nate wants to level up our relationship not as friends but more than friends. The exact word he said is this " why not give it a try" or pls kindly let's give ourselves as lovers not as friends lol. Well, I think its GOD's plan or purpose because we never expect that we will be together for six months. And i know we love each other. We are not perfect gf/bf for each other but we see each other as perfect match for each other. We compliment each other for example, when he told me i am so beautiful, lol, i also told him well you are the most handsome guy for me. We fill up the weaknesses of each other like for example, he don't know how to sing and dance well i'll teach him until he can sing and dance and he will also teach me shooting, playing airsoft. All we do for each other is accept each other strength and weaknesses although we are not a perfect person as we are all not perfect but we just complete each other weaknesses and encourage each other.

Oh and its his first time that he beat me, he is the first one to greet me happy monthsary but i am flattered and happy that he never forget our day. I thank GOD for everything and i pray for our relationship and that hope its his will that we will be together forever until we grow old as i love him so much as he loves me so much too...I have nothing to ask God because he already give to me, Nate to complete my life. God is so good in my life and i am so glad that he loves me so much that he give me the right man for me.